“The scariest moment is always the moment before you start.”
Dear Entrepreneur Friends,
I wrote a piece I thought you might like. Enjoy! Best wishes, from Kilifi, Kenya.
How backflips are a microcosm of business.
“Before commitment there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. The moment one definitely commits, then providence moves too”
From the time I decide to backflip to the time I commit there's plenty of time to chicken out. The excuses are…reasonable: is it safe, is the wind too strong, is someone looking and we wish they’d look away? Probably nothing bad will happen but if it did is this the most convenient time to go to the hospital? Maybe I should wait until tomorrow when I’ve eaten something. Maybe I should wait until I’m less full, etc, etc.
And these fears aren't irrational. We all have some previous trauma that scares us. Just 9 years ago on Christmas day I backflipped into the swimming pool in Malindi. But didn't jump out far enough. I came around and wham! Knocked out my two front teeth on the edge of the swimming pool. Gives new meaning to the song 🎵All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…🎵
Last night I saw a beautiful woman at the lounge. Her headphones were in and she was scrolling on her phone. I wanted to start a conversation but what will I talk with her about? Maybe she's with someone. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk. Let me get a drink first and then I'll talk to her.
These are excuses. I can see into the future where I get a drink first: I summon the courage to talk with her. But she's nowhere to be seen. Well, she wasn’t really my type, I'll console myself.
This is how "some day, one day" becomes "never."
I know that path too well. So I turn around (after pretending to take an interest in the next room). And I commit. Not an over the shoulder comment that could be brushed off if she doesn't like me but unambiguously, leaning my hands on her table to get her attention "So, are you on a work call, or what?" At this point I'm in the air and there's no going back. "But when there is commitment providence moves too." As luck would have it, she lights up and laughs at my intrusion. We talk and laugh for the next 30 minutes.
Thus there is a definite moment when I start the backflip when I spring backwards, past the point of no return. When I commit and get the girl's attention. I spring into the air. I start the business. Or launch a new product. Once in the air there is no undoing. There is no way to wait for a cloudier, or sunnier, day.
In the air is not like a Hollywood slowmo where time freezes. Not at all. Time goes too fast to think. Afterwards, onlookers will commentate “Why didn’t you do this or that?” Are you joking? Easy to say with 20/20 hindsight. There was no time to think at the time.
In fact, overthinking is the next issue. There’s still an opportunity to royally F this up by trying to undo commitment.
Last weekend a friend peered over the second floor deck of the Msafir boat in Kilifi. “I’m going to dive,'' he says. "Yup, I’m going to dive. Hm… it’s not too high. Yeah, definitely going to dive.” He does a running jump. In mid air, his arms and legs have a change of heart, windmilling as he tries to go feet first. He does neither and lands with a partial belly flop.
That is the cost of changing plans once decided. Don’t switch horses midstream, the saying goes.
So there I was. I wanted to backflip but actually my legs were a bit sore from a workout. I had just eaten lunch. The breeze was a bit breezy to be frank. I had just done a flip yesterday so what did I have to prove?
These were all excuses.
Even as I stand on the edge of our floating house, back to the water there is the chance to undo. To let go of the railing is an act of will power. At any moment I could jump. In an alternate universe I did already jump and I'm already in the water, smiling. But in this version of reality I didn’t jump yet. I’m still on the balcony. Like a coward.
And then there's commitment…
Here's to all you entrepreneurs, all you makers and artists who made the leap. Who definitely committed. There was the moment before when you had your job and the moment after when leapt into …nothing. Despite your excuses about the timing, or wisdom of starting something new. Despite previous traumas or anxieties, you jumped in with both feet.
And if you hadn’t jumped in the deep end it wouldn’t have worked. A half commitment would have lead to a bellyflop. (Even there's still a chance you could bellyflop if you don't stay committed).
Let me not limit this to entrepreneurs. This applies to anyone who has made The Leap in their career, as a parent, as a student, or anyone who overcame delay caused by fear. You know who you are.
What makes us jump? I didn’t need to. No one would think less of me. Nevertheless, if I didn’t jump I would have felt the existential pain of regret. I would have spent all day on my computer thinking about jumping and how I was too scared. I couldn’t live with myself.
Starting a business is not for the money at the end of the day; it’s because I couldn’t live with myself otherwise. I'd be looking out the window at my 9-5 thinking… "some day, one day…" I started a business because the fear of regret is worse than the fear of the unknown I'll leap into.
In the water the hard part is over. I can relax now.
Or so I think.
Because as soon as I pull myself onto the deck I realize: that commitment was then. This is now. I really could have done that flip better. And I realize that any resistance to jumping again is just excuses to confronting my fear.
Business is like that. We thought starting was the hard part. But we have to overcome the fear of the leap again. Every. Single. Day. When I give a presentation in front of a crowd. When I make my first hire, that will increase my burn rate.
The reward for confronting my fear is not to be free of my fear, oh no. The reward is that I get the opportunity to confront my fear every single day.
"Do you know the difference between how the hero feels and how the coward feels? There's no difference in how they feel—it's only what they do that's different."
Here’s the funny thing. Knowing makes no difference. Knowing this philosophy of commitment doesn't remove fear. Knowing I'll make excuses doesn't stop the excuses from coming:
“That’s so true!” my housemate said after reading this draft. So I ask him “what's your top priority?”
“Finishing my book,” he said.
“What's the biggest friction you're experiencing on that.”
“Fear of sharing the draft. I think I'd get good feedback. But I'm not sure it's ready, you know?”
“Do you want to get over that fear?” I offer as kindly as possible.
“Yes.”
“When do you want to get over it?”
“Well, I don't know… it's still a work in progress. It's messy.”
*I look at him.*
“Okay I could add some bits and pieces and… *maybe* I can share it at the end of the day.”
*I look at him.*
“Ok, I can share it now.” And he turns his computer around for me to read.
I read his opening sequence. And, Wow! Full of details and nuance, crafted over the 2 years he has been working on the project. The important thing wasn’t that the draft was good but that he made the leap—he shared his draft for the first time in 2 years. And my job wasn’t to critique his draft but to present the ocean for him to jump into.
Now is the only time we can overcome our fear. The moment we jump only ever happens now.
Dear reader, let me leave you here because I'm going to attempt another flip. Now.
P.S. After a while, I did get used to the fear and had the opportunity to confront a new fear: front flips over the railing…
P.P.S. Get out there and do the thing you’re afraid of. You know what I’m talking about. Yes, that one.
P.P.P.S. Why are you still reading this? 😆 Close your phone/computer and go do it.
Share this post
Fear of Commitment
Share this post
“The scariest moment is always the moment before you start.”
Dear Entrepreneur Friends,
I wrote a piece I thought you might like. Enjoy! Best wishes, from Kilifi, Kenya.
How backflips are a microcosm of business.
From the time I decide to backflip to the time I commit there's plenty of time to chicken out. The excuses are…reasonable: is it safe, is the wind too strong, is someone looking and we wish they’d look away? Probably nothing bad will happen but if it did is this the most convenient time to go to the hospital? Maybe I should wait until tomorrow when I’ve eaten something. Maybe I should wait until I’m less full, etc, etc.
And these fears aren't irrational. We all have some previous trauma that scares us. Just 9 years ago on Christmas day I backflipped into the swimming pool in Malindi. But didn't jump out far enough. I came around and wham! Knocked out my two front teeth on the edge of the swimming pool. Gives new meaning to the song 🎵All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…🎵
Last night I saw a beautiful woman at the lounge. Her headphones were in and she was scrolling on her phone. I wanted to start a conversation but what will I talk with her about? Maybe she's with someone. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk. Let me get a drink first and then I'll talk to her.
These are excuses. I can see into the future where I get a drink first: I summon the courage to talk with her. But she's nowhere to be seen. Well, she wasn’t really my type, I'll console myself.
This is how "some day, one day" becomes "never."
I know that path too well. So I turn around (after pretending to take an interest in the next room). And I commit. Not an over the shoulder comment that could be brushed off if she doesn't like me but unambiguously, leaning my hands on her table to get her attention "So, are you on a work call, or what?" At this point I'm in the air and there's no going back. "But when there is commitment providence moves too." As luck would have it, she lights up and laughs at my intrusion. We talk and laugh for the next 30 minutes.
Thus there is a definite moment when I start the backflip when I spring backwards, past the point of no return. When I commit and get the girl's attention. I spring into the air. I start the business. Or launch a new product. Once in the air there is no undoing. There is no way to wait for a cloudier, or sunnier, day.
In the air is not like a Hollywood slowmo where time freezes. Not at all. Time goes too fast to think. Afterwards, onlookers will commentate “Why didn’t you do this or that?” Are you joking? Easy to say with 20/20 hindsight. There was no time to think at the time.
In fact, overthinking is the next issue. There’s still an opportunity to royally F this up by trying to undo commitment.
Last weekend a friend peered over the second floor deck of the Msafir boat in Kilifi. “I’m going to dive,'' he says. "Yup, I’m going to dive. Hm… it’s not too high. Yeah, definitely going to dive.” He does a running jump. In mid air, his arms and legs have a change of heart, windmilling as he tries to go feet first. He does neither and lands with a partial belly flop.
That is the cost of changing plans once decided. Don’t switch horses midstream, the saying goes.
So there I was. I wanted to backflip but actually my legs were a bit sore from a workout. I had just eaten lunch. The breeze was a bit breezy to be frank. I had just done a flip yesterday so what did I have to prove?
These were all excuses.
Even as I stand on the edge of our floating house, back to the water there is the chance to undo. To let go of the railing is an act of will power. At any moment I could jump. In an alternate universe I did already jump and I'm already in the water, smiling. But in this version of reality I didn’t jump yet. I’m still on the balcony. Like a coward.
And then there's commitment…
Here's to all you entrepreneurs, all you makers and artists who made the leap. Who definitely committed. There was the moment before when you had your job and the moment after when leapt into …nothing. Despite your excuses about the timing, or wisdom of starting something new. Despite previous traumas or anxieties, you jumped in with both feet.
And if you hadn’t jumped in the deep end it wouldn’t have worked. A half commitment would have lead to a bellyflop. (Even there's still a chance you could bellyflop if you don't stay committed).
Let me not limit this to entrepreneurs. This applies to anyone who has made The Leap in their career, as a parent, as a student, or anyone who overcame delay caused by fear. You know who you are.
What makes us jump? I didn’t need to. No one would think less of me. Nevertheless, if I didn’t jump I would have felt the existential pain of regret. I would have spent all day on my computer thinking about jumping and how I was too scared. I couldn’t live with myself.
Starting a business is not for the money at the end of the day; it’s because I couldn’t live with myself otherwise. I'd be looking out the window at my 9-5 thinking… "some day, one day…" I started a business because the fear of regret is worse than the fear of the unknown I'll leap into.
In the water the hard part is over. I can relax now.
Or so I think.
Because as soon as I pull myself onto the deck I realize: that commitment was then. This is now. I really could have done that flip better. And I realize that any resistance to jumping again is just excuses to confronting my fear.
Business is like that. We thought starting was the hard part. But we have to overcome the fear of the leap again. Every. Single. Day. When I give a presentation in front of a crowd. When I make my first hire, that will increase my burn rate.
The reward for confronting my fear is not to be free of my fear, oh no. The reward is that I get the opportunity to confront my fear every single day.
Here’s the funny thing. Knowing makes no difference. Knowing this philosophy of commitment doesn't remove fear. Knowing I'll make excuses doesn't stop the excuses from coming:
“That’s so true!” my housemate said after reading this draft. So I ask him “what's your top priority?”
“Finishing my book,” he said.
“What's the biggest friction you're experiencing on that.”
“Fear of sharing the draft. I think I'd get good feedback. But I'm not sure it's ready, you know?”
“Do you want to get over that fear?” I offer as kindly as possible.
“Yes.”
“When do you want to get over it?”
“Well, I don't know… it's still a work in progress. It's messy.”
*I look at him.*
“Okay I could add some bits and pieces and… *maybe* I can share it at the end of the day.”
*I look at him.*
“Ok, I can share it now.” And he turns his computer around for me to read.
I read his opening sequence. And, Wow! Full of details and nuance, crafted over the 2 years he has been working on the project. The important thing wasn’t that the draft was good but that he made the leap—he shared his draft for the first time in 2 years. And my job wasn’t to critique his draft but to present the ocean for him to jump into.
Now is the only time we can overcome our fear. The moment we jump only ever happens now.
Dear reader, let me leave you here because I'm going to attempt another flip. Now.
P.S. After a while, I did get used to the fear and had the opportunity to confront a new fear: front flips over the railing…
P.P.S. Get out there and do the thing you’re afraid of. You know what I’m talking about. Yes, that one.
P.P.P.S. Why are you still reading this? 😆 Close your phone/computer and go do it.